Hi, friend! Today on the blog I’m keeping things short and sweet as I take you through the revision process of a poem I’ve been working on for class. The first few lines of the poem may seem familiar, and that’s because they were inspired by a poem by William Carlos Williams which can be found here.
Can I confess something? I have the weirdest obsession with the titles of things. You may have already picked up on this fun fact based on the titles of my blogs, but I really love titles that are catchy, witty, and draw people in. Some of my favorite books to read don’t reveal the meaning of the title until the final chapter, or better yet, until the final paragraph. I get the most immense joy from discovering the clever way that a writer pieced together a series of completely normal words to create a captivating phrase that entices consumers.
So, when we were asked to conduct a series of revisions on one of our poems and focus on a strategy from Georgia Heard's Awakening the Heart: Exploring Poetry in Elementary and Middle School, it wasn’t hard for me to decide that I wanted to focus on “Titles: Not Just a Label” as I worked. In her own words, Heard claims, “Titles are not just labels slapped on the top of a poem like on cans at the grocery store… a title is an intricate part of the overall texture of the poem” (1999, p. 86). She goes on to explain that the title of a poem provides an added dimension, or perspective, to the piece that can serve as a meaningful component for both writer and reader.
Upon writing the first draft of my poem, the biggest hurdle that I needed to overcome was choosing a topic to write about. The very lines with which the poem begins left me feeling pressured to create something important and lasting. “So much depends upon”… so much depends on what? And then it hit me! At my house, growing up, so much depended on the score of the most recent baseball game that my dad had either seen or coached. Whether it was the Orioles playing at Camden Yards or my brother, Zach, in the middle infield, my daddy took the score of the game to heart... BIG TIME. And because of that, my daddy also really liked to rehash the events of the game as a way to seemingly explain to us, his family, why he was feeling a certain way. So, in my house, so much depends upon the score of a baseball game. You can read the first draft of my poem, titled “So Much Depends Upon”, below.
A few small adjustments now. I like the big idea of this piece, but a word tweaked here or there might be good. What if I try to be more vague about what type of game I’m referring to? That might make this a more universal experience for my readers. Instead of “a baseball game’s score”, let’s say “the score of a game”. I do think I might add the word “kitchen”. It provides a setting. And what about if I just say, “again and again”? Less wordy maybe. Now, I’m trying to work on improving my title over this revision process, and Georgia Heard wrote that I could do that through beginnings and endings of my poem. What if I wrote the last lines of my poem about my dad, and then, I could title the poem “Dad”? I could make a reference to him being a coach as well to provide more perspective for my readers. Okay, good. You can read the second draft of my poem, titled “Dad”, below.
Just a handful of things this time. I liked “over and over again” better. It sounds more like my voice. The first line of the final stanza is too long. What if that was multiple stanzas? “Dad” should stay as the last line of the poem, but I don’t like it as a title. It gives too much away. What if I used a title that provided a double/symbolic meaning like Heard suggests? How about “Home Team” as a reference to the game but also to my family? Yes, that’s definitely it. You can read the third draft of my poem, titled “Home Team”, below.
You can view the published version of “Home Team”, which I am planning to include as part of my self-portrait anthology, here.
So, that’s it for this week. A bunch of my own thoughts on a revision technique that I used on a poem that is super close to my heart. And to the man who inspired this particular piece, and happens to be coaching baseball out of state all week, good luck! I love you to the outfield and back, Daddy.
Heard, G. (1999). Awakening the heart: Exploring poetry in elementary and middle school. Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann.
First of all, I really like your final product! You really transformed your poem and its visually appealing as well. During the editing process you changed the line "over and over" to say "again and again" and I really like how you addressed that you liked the way it was originally. I think this would be a great experience to share with students. There are some parts of our writing that don't need to be changed!
I love that you focused on titles! They can be such an important yet overlooked part of a poem or narrative. Your modeling is wonderful and I can imagine you teaching this to a real class. Great job!